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Category Archives: Random Sparks

Just stream of consciousness ramblings practicing my creative writing.

It was a long time before I recognized the true reason for the lie.  I told it to her, to myself, to any who asked or would listen.  I told it till even I began to believe it. There’s power in a lie. Peace can be found in a lie. Lies can make us feel safe and warm. Lies are our comfortable and cozy protection from a reality we would rather forget. Lies offer the beauty of what you wish was and blinds you to what is. But for all of the wonder and joy a lie can be; a lie is still just a lie. A clever deception, a mask keeping hidden the unwanted truth we don’t want to face.  I didn’t want to face. The lie is like a drug. Telling it and believing it is your high and remembering the truth is the cold emptiness left when the high is gone. The more you remember the more lies you have tell to hide it. Forever chasing the high, until one inevitable day comes when you must stand in the light and face the full unfiltered truth. On that day they will know, you will know…she will know. That however is tomorrow, today I embrace the lie. Life is good and I am happy.

I thought about you today.  Yeah I know, foolish of me.  I was minding my own business getting on with my life and there you were dancing across the memories in my head.  I hadn’t planned a trip, but  there I was racing down memory lane.  I remembered that perfectly imperfect smile. The scent of you when you entered a room. The way your mere presence demanded attention and your personality made those around you give that attention freely.

I thought about you today. Was I  a fool to have thought I was what she wanted or needed?  Have I fallen short and am I a fool to want to try again? I could do more, I could be more, but that still wouldn’t get me closer to her. I’ve seen what she wants and I’m not it.  She’s told me what she needs and it’s never been me. Why don’t I walk away instead of staying and playing the fool?

I thought of you today. Foolishly thinking I could be happy simply knowing you were happy without me. Thinking I would find another that would light my dark places as you do. Thinking that moving on was something you could just say instead of it being something you have to truly believe. No, I play the fool who never learns or opens his eyes to the truth. I stay seated in darkness waiting for your light and thinking…

I thought of you today. Do you think of me?

13 Things I should have said.

1.  I love you.
2.  I need you.
3.  I love you.
4.  I believe in you.
5.  I love you.
6.  I am here for you
7.  I love you.
8.  I’m Sorry
9.  I love you.
10. Stay.
11. I love you.
12. Come back.
13. I love you, still.

Sometimes we hold things too lightly and fail to share with those with whom we should share the most because it’s too hard. Then discover once it’s too late…It’s even harder to let go.

Don’t be afraid to let go before it’s too late to hold on.

Baaradon dismounted his massive kodo at the hitching post in front of an old inn.  He wasn’t overly impressed, but then his needs were not at all extravagant.  A simple bed and a bit ale would suffice for the night. As he began to unload his gear he saw her.  At first he wasn’t sure it was her.  This was only because he had believed in his deep in heart of hearts he’d never see her again; but there she was. She rode a tall white stallion like something out of storybook. The mount was obviously a well trained warhorse Baar could tell from the controlled trot and manner of the beast. Its rider was clad in pristine plate armor that shined brightly in the light of the sun that was slowly descending behind her.  He could just barely make out sigils in her breast plate marking her as a member of the Order of Light.  So, she’s now a Paladin then; Baar mused. The horse stopped at the hitching post a few feet away and the rider dismounted. As she turned to face Baar she flicked her fiery red hair back and away from her eyes. It was then when he saw recognition in them as a brilliantly wide smile split across her face. Right then right there it was the most beautiful sight Baar had ever seen.  He found himself already returning the smile in earnest.  She walked gracefully over to him a sword on one hip and large mace hanging from the other.

“Baaradon!” She said excitedly reaching out to embrace him.

“Jesenia.” Baar replied quietly. His brain was on auto pilot as took herin his arms and  pulled her close. He was trying to think something more to say when he heard himself saying “I missed you.”  At those words he felt her even in her heavy plate armor melt into his fur and leathers. They stood there holding each other for what seemed like an eternity and no time at all. Then, Jesenia pulled back slightly lifting her head her smile turning a bit mischievous.

“I have never known Baaradon De La Hoof to ever miss.” Jesenia chided playfully

“Well, the mistake would have been fortunate if the satchel bag I hit instead of you had contained the amulet.” Baar replied.

“Yes, hmm. Too bad though I doubt you would have gotten through my armor anyway.” She said thoughtfully. Baar looked deep into her eyes and his voice lowered as he spoke.

“Possibly, But had I wanted to penetrate you, I’m sure pushing passed your armor would have not have been any trouble.”

“ah so, It’s you didn’t want to.” She paused “such a shame, a missed the opportunity.” She said as she feined a pout.

“perhaps the opportunity will present itself again. My arrow is sharp and my bow ready.”

Jesenia looked Baar up and down, her hand straying to her hair, lips pursed thoughtfully. When she spoke her words began as a low moan.

” That, might prove interesting; however, I have different armor nowadays.” Baar then watched as the playful demeanor melted away as her gaze shifted to something just passed him. Then, he felt it. Someone was approaching from behind. When he turned to look he saw the tall the Night Elf he had been traveling with approaching the two of them.

“Oh Jesenia, I would like you to meet…”  Jesenia sprang  at the Night Elf cutting Baaradon off mid introduction. She leapt into the elf’s arms and began kissing him passionately. Baar wasn’t sure what to make of this. “Well, either you greet strangers with a bit more…vigor than old friends or I’d say you knew each other.”  The human and night elf didn’t seem to hear Baar.  In fact in that moment they didn’t seem to be aware of anyone else in the world. After a few moments longer Baar rather loudly cleared his throat with a grumble.  This seem to break the spell the two had cast upon one another.

“Ah, Baaradon my tauren friend. Please, excuse my rudeness. I have missed my wife terribly.  This is Jesenia, Paladin of the Order of Light, mother of my children, the fuel of my beating heart and the motivation for surviving that prison you found me in.” The night elf proclaimed ”  Is her beauty not as I told you?”  Baar looked from the Slim to Jesenia. He took a long gaze into her eyes.

“Exactly so, my friend.  Though I believe you have found a new talent in understatement.  I now see and understand your true motivation for seeking your freedom. ”  Baar then abruptly broke eye contact and turned to Slim.  “I will leave you two to…” His voice trailed off and he waved his hand about in a generally vague motion.  “I’ll get our gear stowed for the night.” And with that he strode away.  Slim watched him go and then turned back to his wife.

“That my dear was Baaradon.  He can be a bit anti social but he is a brave and skilled fighter.  I think you’ll like him.”

Jesenia, still watching Baar walk away, let her smile again take on a look of mischief.

 

“I just might at that.”    Slim looked to the direction Baar had taken and then back to Jesenia, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“Well, maybe not that much.”   Jesenia then gently ran her fingers down Slim’s long ears.

 

“Come my, love it has been far too long.  Let us found wine and a room and get… reacquainted.” She whispered pulling the elf toward the inn eyeing him hungrily.

It was a dark and stormy night.  The wind howled violently and relentlessly tormented the fabric of the tent. He lay there alone on his elevated bed searching for a comfortable position on the inflated air mattress. Not for the first time that night, he found himself pleased that the tent was so strong against the forceful prodding of the storm but also wondered would it continue to stand throughout the night. Rain came down in sheets and buckets forcing him to keep the tent windows buttoned up which was a shame since in the summer heat the wind would have served as a marvelously natural air conditioner.  As he attempted to sleep, he used a box fan in the corner to cool the tent and also drown out the sound of the storm and outside world in general.

It was the dripping water that first alerted him there was a problem. “Damn it,” he thought to himself. When he had purchased his tent, he did not buy a separate rain fly; against the recommendation of his friends as the manufacture advertise this tent as owning a built-in rain fly.  He now was beginning to question the wisdom in his decision. As he got up from his bed he began looking for his flash light so he could assess just how bad his situation was. He found what he was looking for laying atop his back pack.  Placing the LED headlamp on his head he began to take stock of his surroundings.

The beam of the headlight moved slowly about the tent’s interior.  First was the bed. It was a full-size air bed mattress. The entire lower half was soaked. The water appeared to be entering through the top flap of a window. Normally this wouldn’t happen, but as he moved the light to scan the south east corner he found it pushed up off of the ground, giving that area enough of lean to allow plenty of water inside. The floor was covered in it.  It was pretty obvious what must have happened. The guy lines were not fastened securely enough and had now come loose. He quickly moved about the tent shifting as much weight as he could find in hopes he could amass enough to hold down the corner in the face of all of the wind.  The storm was raging too hard to go out and fix the lines tonight, in the dark.

After moving the bed and adjusting the flaps so the dry half of the bed stayed dry, he curled up in a ball and again tried to sleep.  A loud thunder clash startled him out of his half slumber. There was an odd sense that he was no longer alone; as if he felt an additional presence.  He tried to look around but suddenly felt his body tense and stiffen. It was then he felt her cold hands on either side of his head.  A low whisper spoke to him sounding both right behind his head and far off somewhere at the same time. “Youuuuu areeeeeee mineeeeee.”  Whispered the feminine voice. Then just as quickly as the feeling came it was all gone.  Still, he lay there unmoving completely aware that she was not only gone but never could have been there to begin with.  That was the only logical conclusion and yet he had felt it and heard it clearly. Needless to say, this event did not aid in his ability to sleep, quite the opposite in fact.  Eventually though, he did drift off to sleep and there he lay till the sun began to rise.

He spent the morning drying out his tent, refastening his lines and convincing himself of the utter foolishness of his visitation being real.  “It may have been an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato that caused such a disturbing night.  Surely nothing more.” He thought to himself. He went about the rest of his time there uneventfully and without further visits, never once noticing the eyes in the dark which watched and waited.

I feel it. I knew it was coming, well I hoped.  I thought I was ready. Should have known better; I’m never ready.  It always comes as a surprise, the heat. The expected heat brings the unexpected warmth and comfort that defies description. I’m taken by surprise as I’m embraced by a heat that threatens to set my very soul ablaze. I fight the urge to tremble in fear that I may be consumed by flames I can’t see only feel.  As I succumb to the all-consuming overwhelming intensity of this heat, I feel a rush that’s nothing short of euphoric as I meet her and return her smile.

CHI